Monday, January 30, 2012

Raw Is Fire 1-30-2012

I'm sure you're going to read many great recaps of the Royal Rumble that are already out there. But I wanted to just give my small opinion. It is very rare to find anything in wrestling that surprises me. Punk-Cena at Money in the Bank, Quackenbush-Kingston at Chikara's High Noon, and now the end of this year's Royal Rumble. I would like to say that I picked Sheamus from the beginning (and even had Jericho and Sheamus in my final 2), but when it was Jericho and Sheamus, I had NO idea who was winning. It's nice to be able to sit back and watch wrestling like a kid again.
So I did something I had never done before in my life. I correctly predicted the Royal Rumble winner. And yes, I really had British Bulldog winning in '97. And Kane in '02. I'm intrigued to see where we're going with tonight's Raw.
We open it up with Johnny Ace walking out to the crowd and smiling. He introduced the competitors in the Elimination Chamber. Then Punk came out and started to bully and insult Ace. And then Daniel Bryan interrupted them. He cut a pretty nice promo. Then Sheamus interrupted them both. The crowd seemed to be behind Sheamus.
Ziggler gets Orton. Welcome back to the middle of the card, Dolph. They did an interesting promo with Wade Barrett. This was a very good match for a Raw opener. From somebody who's had the same injury Randy Orton has with the herniated disc in what I think is pretty much the same spot, Orton has all my respect for how quickly he was able to recover and continue wrestling in the ring. Orton pinned Ziggler in a very good match.
William Regal has conjoined twin daughters he keeps locked up in a closet. Curt Hawkins still exists.
There was a battle of the dinosaurs as Tyler Reks took on Brodus Clay.
Punk and Daniel explain Straight Edge vs. Veganism.
CM Punk and Daniel Bryan have a match where they are both champions and it is the first hour main event? You s***in' me? What do you expect? You had two of the best competitors in the WWE going at it. Sans the head-dropping, this was exactly what you would want from Punk-Danielson. I think this is perhaps the best match I have seen on Raw in forever.
We got Miz vs. Kofi with Truth doing commentary. Miz is really over with the crowd. They wrestled to a really good match. Kofi won.
Rock is being featured in a video package. I guess he really needs to be put over. (<--- sarcasm font)
Beth Phoenix killed Eve. Then Kane surprised Eve with an appearance. Cena ran out to the ring, didn't stop to say hi to his cameraman friend. Good brawl. 
The Johnny Ace-HHH stuff was fun. And then the Undertaker appeared. Yes, I still mark out like a little girl for Taker. 
Cole was pretty atrocious tonight. The in-ring action as a whole was off the chains. I still have to call this an excellent Raw. Very well-done.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Raw Is Not Elmo 1-23-12

As I write this, I am watching Elmo's World. I am a good father and that is what a good father does. She has been since put to bed. Now I am watching 2 Broke Girls wondering what will come next to the wrestling fans. Last week, we had one of the best endings to Raw since Punk's "The Promo." Now it's time to see how the WWE will follow up with it.
Raw began with Punk doing what he does best. Sitting cross-legged in the ring with a microphone in his hand. He said that he wanted to hear Johnny Ace say all the things to Punk's face. Then John Cena came out and said he wanted Kane tonight and Ryder to get his rematch. Cena had some great fire and intensity. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to admit. But I am beginning not to hate Johnny Ace as a character.
The first match was John Cena & CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger. It was a really decent match. You had the face in peril and then Ziggler won via a handful of tights.
Chris Jericho played with the crowd. This is one of the best new things about Raw.
Mick Foley gave Zack Ryder a pep talk and Cena offered Ryder his back. Ryder said he wanted to do this on his own. Ryder took quite the beating. If you want to see this match done much better, click here and watch Icarus vs. Gregory Iron. It was a great moment for Ryder. Kane is over like a monster, and Ryder got lots of sympathy for it. Ryder got a lot of  chants in the show. As they were putting Ryder in the ambulance, Eve Torres auditions to be the worst human being ever by telling Cena this was all his fault. But the winner was Josh Matthews who tried to interview John Cena. John Cena gave his angry face at the camera which looked like a Vince snarl.
Sheamus wrestled Jinder Mahal. I would like Mahal to never appear on my tv. They're building up the Royal Rumble.
Miz and Truth are wrestling tonight. Do they understand what it means to wait for something for a PPV?
Brodus Clay killed Heath Slater.
Miz and Truth wrestled a good match I didn't want to see because they should be waiting for a PPV.
Johnny Ace is told his job is going to be evaluated by Triple H. Surprise, surprise. Ace didn't wrestle. It was Otunga, whom Punk killed faster than I mute the tv when Jennifer Hudson's commercials come on.
Another good Raw tonight. I really liked the build-up towards the PPV. The Punk-Ace stuff is evolving into good. Clay continues to be a great new gimmick and surprise. This has been a pretty solid Raw.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Raw Is Perez Hilton? 1-16-12

For some reason Perez Hilton is polluting my Monday Night Raw. I personally think he has no place on our planet or in our species. Last week Kane laid out Zack Ryder because he couldn't change a flat tire. Maybe Hilton can show Ryder how to change a flat tire. Things could be a lot worse though. We had the Funkasaurus debut last Monday and I'm curious to see where that goes. I'm also curious to see what Jericho does tonight.
We start off with Mick Foley. The great part about Mick Foley is that he can laugh at himself. Foley will be in the Royal Rumble. I will only be happy if he takes Jinder Mahal's spot. Then he is interrupted by Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler berating him for taking a wrestler's spot. And then CM Punk comes out they have a nice face off. And then Johnny Ace comes out. He says he will be impartial. True story. My wife was passed out on the couch. When Johnny Ace came out, she groaned in her sleep.
We get footage of the tag belts changing hands. We had a nice match between the Colons &  (6 if you count Rosa Mendes. Some of you may have to think about this a little).
Chris Jericho will be in the main event. He turns out the light and lets his jacket sparkle.
Then we do a recap of Zack Ryder being unable to change a flat tire. Eve will accompany him to ringside. Ryder must have a member the size of Long Island cause I can't think of any reason for Eve to still be with him after the "unable to change a flat tire" thing. Swagger destroyed Ryder and won the title.
In the back, Johnny Ace apologizes to Zack Ryder because he wasn't medically cleared. Then Eve gets in his face and Ace tells her to respect authority. Huh?
R-Truth comes out and Wade Barrett interrupts him. Then after Barrett is done with his monologue, R-Truth begins his comments with " 'Allo, Govnuh." Then there was a silly look at R-Truth's trip to Disney. I hate to admit it, but I liked it. Then Miz came out followed by Sheamus. Teddy made a 4-man Over the Top Battle Royal match. R-Truth won. Nice match.
Then Jack Swagger comes out and he's going to face John Cena? This was never a match. It was just a beatdown. This John Cena had some fire. Then Kane told Cena he was embracing the hate. Interesting.
We then had Brodus Clay kill JTG. Next to him is the chick whose second favorite match is Clay-Hawkins. I don't know if this is right, but Funkasaurus is probably the best thing on Raw tonight.
Daniel Bryan cut a nice promo about why Big Show is a horrible person. The great part is that Bryan was a heel who told the truth. I really liked that.
The main event was really good. Jericho got tagged in, soaked up the adoration of the crowd and then walked off. Mark Henry chased Daniel Bryan to the back. And to make up for the missing person, Mick Foley came out. After the faces won, Johnny Ace came out and reversed the decision. Punk laid in to Ace about being pathetic and then walked off. Then Foley had a great face-off with Ace where Ace snapped. I had never seen Ace show that much fire before.
This turned out to be a really good Raw. I need more like these.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Raw is in a Rush 1-9-12

So we begin Raw tonight.
Kane talks forever. And then Cena comes out and they brawl into the crowd. It was a pretty awesome brawl and Cena was silent. I thought the announcers did a nice job of selling the brawl.
Sheamus & Santino took on Wade Barrett and Jinder Mahal. It was not a bad match. Mahal got pinned with the Cobra. Mahal, hope you like Florida, because I think you'll be wrestling at the Impact Zone.
Miz is in the back with Johnny Ace and the never-ending cup of coffee with David Otunga.
Edge is being inducted in the Hall of Fame. So deserved.
Miz wants Mason Ryan to share needles or something.
Then Zack Ryder is hitting on Eve again and it works. Then Kane is seen lurking in the shadows.
Now Kofi Kingston is going to take on Daniel Bryan. I think it was a squash. Then Daniel Bryan celebrated like he had won the World Series. Then we had Big Show face off with Daniel Bryan.
Brodus Clay finally debuts. Holy s***! It's the love child of Ernest "The Cat" Miller and Flash Funk. Poor Curt Hawkins.
We get Jack Swagger taking on CM Punk. Of course their match was good as we knew it would be. I also like the story they told of Dolph & Vickie getting involved. The ending just seemed kind of really weird, like a ref botch.
Miz wanted Ricardo Rodriguez to call out R-Truth for him. Ricardo Rodriguez was so awesome. Then R-Truth came out and asked Ricardo Rodriguez to sing a song. So he sang a remix of La Cucaracha. Rodriguez owned that segment.
Chris Jericho came out, soaked up the adoration of the crowd and began crying and then walked off. Brilliant.
Eve was about to go to the ring when Kane's music hit. So Zack Ryder comes to get her and then goes to the car. The car's tire is flat. So Ryder gets out to change the tire and leaves Eve stuck in the car. Zack Ryder has never seen a horror film. And Kane is apparently really slow.
Ziggler and Cena had a really nice match. And then, as we all knew would happen, Kane got to Zack Ryder. So Cena left the match and Kane laid him out.
All in all... I really wanted to like this Raw. But they did everything they could to make me not like it. Chalk this one up to awful.
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Monday, January 2, 2012

Raw Is a Return 1-2-2012

Well, tonight's Raw has been built around a return. There are rumors that Chris Jericho has been spotted at the Memphis airport. So have Undertaker and Michelle McCool. Rumors are flying around about Brock Lesnar. I think everybody has been spotted except Chyna. So tonight begins Raw.
We start if off with a video package. And then John Cena starts off Raw. Any buzz I had for Raw was killed the moment Cena's music hit. My daughter was still up and the minute she saw John Cena, she reached for the remote. I cannot make this up. So John Cena cut an ok promo on how fans can chant whatever they want. He's going to keep on being John Cena. Then Kane does the same s*** he always does and we get pyro.
Daniel Bryan is introduced and the crowd doesn't even come close to reacting for him. This was a pretty decent match. We got to watch Cody show off his skills as a mat technician. Bryan did get some chants. But would he have without Cody? It was a really short good match. Bryan won and then went over and celebrated with the crowd. The only thing is that it was kind of really excessive.
Johnny Ace recapped all the stuff with Miz. We get Miz and Sheamus. And then he called Miz a lame duck. Then they showed Miz walking away throwing a temper tantrum. And then R-Truth mocked a duck. Congratulations, WWE. You just killed R-Truth.
They showed recaps of all the Wade Barrett stuff. And he was interrupted by Santino Marella of all people. Sure enough, Wade killed him. The best part was the Speed references. R-Truth is now stalking the Miz.
Miz came out full of fire. And then Sheamus beat the sternum off of Miz. Miz tried running away. Then R-Truth was out in the crowd. R-Truth's voices are now Little Jimmies. And then he beat up Miz with the Water Bottle of Doom. I feel really bad for Miz having to sell that. Then R-Truth found a kid and had him say something. I liked the segment. I just want to see more from what R-Truth is given to say.
Dolph Ziggler cuts a nice short promo.
Zack Ryder is trying to flirt with Eve Torres. Then Jack Swagger tries to talk trash. Ryder sounded sooooooo stupid. Then Johnny Ace makes a 6-man tag. So now Punk isn't even going to be the main event? WWE, listen to what I say very closely. F*** you.
I really liked the feel of the Punk/Ziggler match. It felt exactly like a main event should be. Too bad it wasn't one. It was a good match with lots of near-falls. Johnny Ace interfered and there was a countout. Ziggler won and then ran away with the belt. He didn't win the belt.
The Bellas came out looking really smoking hot. We then got Kelly and Eve vs. Bellas. The Bellas won. It was pretty decent for usual divas matches.
Punk delivered a promo where he was going to beat Johnny Ace "like a bitch." Ooh, they said the word "bitch." Let me know when Punk drops a pipebomb.
Then they revealed the return of Chris Jericho. It was a pretty awesome moment. He looked genuinely happy and enthusiastic to be out there. It was the kind of reaction Hogan thinks he gets. He played with the crowd for a little bit and then went to the back.
The main event was such a non-event. At least Cena and Ryder had the advantage. The only good part was Kane attacking Ryder afterwards and then laying out Cena and Ryder some more. Kane was about to suck Ryder into the abyss when Cena pulled him out at the end. Cheesy, but it IS a TVPG product.
This was a pretty decent Raw. I'm close to calling it good, but we're not quite there. I had things I liked: Ziggler's promo, Bryan-Rhodes and Miz. There were some things I didn't like: Cena in the main event, the Ziggler-Punk finish (not because of the countout but because Ziggler acted like he had won the belt) and opening it with a video package.
There were some nice questions to be asked here and all of them are WTF's revolving around Jericho. And that is as it should be. Now we have a reason to come back.
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