Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Raw Is Dedicated to Mr. Peppermint 9-26-11

For those of you who have no idea who Mr. Peppermint is, click here. His show, Peppermint Palace, was on every Saturday morning on ABC at 6 (or 5, I don't remember). His show meant Saturday morning cartoons were going to start. And that was back when you didn't have Nick Jr. or Cartoon Network. This was the highlight of your week. So a moment of silence and respect to Mr. Peppermint.
We have some questions from last week's Raw. What will come of "on-fire" Alberto del Rio? What of Miz and Truth being fired? What injury will Tony Romo suffer? What indy promotion do I want to get next and do a review on? (I'm thinking Chikara.)
We start off with Triple H. I look at upcoming Chikara and AAW shows. My AIW show is on its way. Triple H was interrupted by Vickie Guerrero. And yet, people still booed her. Ziggler sounded really good. Ziggler and Triple H played off each other really well. Then Cody Rhodes interrupted. And then Christian interrupted. Christian gets lots of matches. Ziggler fights Zack Ryder. Cody Rhodes gets a Battle Royal.
This was a pretty good fast Battle Royal. Cody Rhodes retained.
After the break, Super Dave Osborne is talking to "Not-so-Super" David Otunga. Apparently, he is still a lawyer even if he's not practicing. Oh, the stupid... It burns.
We got a tag match. Nattie/Beth vs. Eve/Kelly. We got a Kelly Kelly video package. We need more of these. The crowd actually seemed to care about this match. Beth pinned the champion. Hopefully we get Beth winning more. Her and Nattie are a really good duo.
Mark Henry took apart Great Khali. It was an awesome image and added credibility to his tear of destruction.
John Cena cut a promo. Kansas City thought he was the Chiefs because there were some cheers, but a lot more boos. Then Del Rio came out ringside. Del Rio was doing commentary with his wrestling tights on. Then Punk came out with his announcer's jacket. This match ended in a DQ. This was the best way to do this. Christian didn't lose.
We got Zack Ryder vs. Dolph Ziggler. We got to plug Hugh Jackman's film. Ziggler looked really good in this match. Due to some outside interference by Jack Swagger, we got a tainted Ziggler victory. Air Boom came to Ryder's rescue.
Teddy Long made a match: AirBoom/Ryder vs. Swagger/Ziggler in a handicap match. This was a fun match. The crowd was really into it. Vickie went out and found a soon-to-be-suspended Mason Ryan, affectionately known as "Matista." He's a heel still. As soon as Mason Ryan was tagged it, he was a heel no more. He took out Team Vickie. Why did he do that? Interesting question.
Not-so-Super David Otunga is talking to the boys in the locker room. He's creating a lawsuit. I like this. It's creating an interesting storyline.
Our main event was ADR vs. CM Punk. This was a really decent match. Punk won. Then the cage lowered. Punk and Cena destroyed Ricardo Rodriguez and then ADR destroyed the other two with a chair.
This was a pretty good Raw, but then again, I DVR'd it so I didn't have to sit through the stuff I didn't want to see. But a lot of questions are raised. And I'm really digging the build-up for Hell in a Cell.
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Monday, September 19, 2011

Raw is Wolverine 9-19-11

I'm gonna be honest. My expectations for tonight's Raw are pretty low. Like, "The Mullets" on UPN low. Tonight is going to be a two-hour-plus commercial for Hugh Jackman's new movie, which looks entirely craptacular. Like Mars Needs Mom competition for the worst box office of the year. There are some questions that need to be answered. Like, how come now that I've lost weight, my belt breaks? What is it about Nicole on Las Vegas Jailhouse that just makes you want to break the law in Vegas? How do I get my wife to let me buy a Homicide or Kenny King t-shirt? Too bad none of these questions have to deal with Raw.
I do have some questions on Raw. Why did Miz and R-Truth attack Trips and Punk last night? How will Del Rio react to losing his belt to Super Cena? Who else wants to work for Vickie Guerrero?
We begin with Punk. There is a conspiracy. Trips' music hits prompting "I wasn't finished" from CM Punk. Triple-H-Punk reminds me a lot of Sgt. Slaughter-DX. Trips and Punk are then interrupted by Super Dave, who is a stooge. By the end of the night, Leslie Nielsen will uncover who is responsible.
There was an 8-man match where everybody got to do their moves. Sheamus killed David Otunga. Otunga is lower than, well, everything.
HHH tells ADR that he will need to pray.
We get ADR vs. Morrison. This would make a really good feud. ADR was mad. He made Morrison tap out in record time. Today's lesson: Be nice to Trish Stratus.
Hugh Jackman came out to the crowd and did really well with the live crowd. As he was pimping out his film, he was interrupted by Vickie Guerrero. Dolph refused to shake his hand. It was a fun segment. Ryder>Wolverine. The crowd chants "We want Ryder."
We got Sin Cara (probably the botcher) versus Cody Rhodes. The other Sin Cara comes out. They fight for a while. It wasn't a match. At least Cody Rhodes got to come out.
Then Miz and Truth apologized to Triple-H, the WWE Universe and even the Little Jimmies. They get Punk & Cena in the ring.
Mark Henry proved all the nay-sayers wrong. Jim Ross was one of them so he asks him to apologize. Ross does and channels his inner Clair Huxtable and tell him he hates "asskissers" and then attacks JR. The King comes to his rescue and then gets put through a table.
Eve and Kelly Kelly took on Beth & Nattie. Eve pinned Nattie Neidhart. It was pretty awful.
Hugh Jackman chose Zack Ryder to face Dolph Ziggler. The crowd was so ridiculously hot for Ryder. This was the right way to use a celebrity. Jackman looked like he legitimately had fun. Ryder pulled off the upset win and the crowd received exactly what they wanted. Imagine that, WWE. Give the people what they want and they will cheer.
We got a video package on Jack Swagger. We needed one of those. I need to remember why I care about him.
This was a pretty good main event. Cena/Punk vs. Awesome Truth. There was good drama, the 4 of them clicked pretty well together. At the end of the match, Triple H fired Miz and R-Truth. Chaos ensued in the back which lead to an all-out brawl.
It was a really good finish to a Raw that was somewhere between average and good. Maybe a Mike Sanders Raw ("Above Average"). I thought Hugh Jackman added to the product. There is still a mystery and intrigue to Raw. No passes given. I enjoyed myself tonight.
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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Raw Is Better Than the Cowboys 9-12-11

I just wanted to see exactly how much hate I could generate. Looks like so far, so good. I am a diehard Eagles fan, so the only thing that makes me happier than Cowboys fans' misery is- never mind, nothing makes me happier.
So now that I've cut a promo that will make me the biggest heel in DFW's wrestling, it's time to get serious about Raw. We've got rumors of Bret Hart showing up. Who from Smackdown will be there tonight? It's also possible that the Cowboys special teams center will be there tonight, because he sure wasn't blocking the Jets. (Zinger #1)
We begin the night with Alberto del Rio. This is perfect. He needs to be the focus. ADR called himself the greatest of the great so we get the best there is, best there was, best there ever will be. Well, that brought out the first man to claim that-Bret Hart. ADR hires Canadians to clean HIS house. As soon as ADR tells Hart something is about to go down, John Cena sucks out all the energy in the crowd by showing up. ADR stands toe-to-toe with Cena instead of walking away. Super Dave Osborne makes a main event of Bret Hart and John Cena versus Ricardo Rodriguez and ADR. This segment was just there for me. It was pretty weak and sounded so scripted. They just sounded like a group of guys reciting lines.
After the commercial, we get Dolph & Swagger vs. Riley & Morrison. There was no entrance for Morrison. The last time I saw my wife that upset was when Romo fumbled the ball on the 3rd yard line. (Zinger#2) Riley pinned Swagger. There was absolutely nothing behind that match. I understand the story. It just didn't click for me.
Miz knew what we all had witnessed so he gave us a pretty good promo. They walked away from the set and Miz cut his promo on the way to the ring. And then R-Truth, who apparently has WWE Creative channel the writers of Amos & Andy for his material, set African-American characters back 20 years. Kamala was a culturally more evolved character than Truth is right now. They need to find somebody to write for him or let him do his own dialogue.
Miz wrestled Kofi in what was a good match. Both those guys are very solid workers and I'm looking forward to their match. It was well-booked and made sense (in WWE world).
Lawler slammed McGillicutty for being nothing like his father and Otunga for having no charisma. Then Lawler introduced his partner and it was Sheamus. They squashed old Nexus. Wow, that was awful.
Rodriguez & ADR vs. Cena & Hart were again... just there. The crowd must have thought they were going to see a Senators game and found Raw instead. The crowd was awful all night. Bret put Rodriguez in the sharpshooter. Nobody lost any heat.
The 9/11 tribute wasn't awful except for them pointing out they were the first public gathering. I'll give them a pass. John Cena did pretty good on that narration.
Then Kelly Kelly and Vickie Guerrero had what best can be called an angle. Swagger hit Dolph and then Vickie got involved and then Kelly pinned her.
Mark Henry cuts a promo. I think we all were happy he didn't eat the microphone.
We got Randy Orton and Cody Rhodes. The whole point of this was to see Mark Henry sitting on a chair. Cody Rhodes defeated Orton with the facemask. Henry attacked Orton with a chair afterwards. As little as I cared about this match, it sold the PPV, so it deserves credit for that.
Raw ends with HHH. In honor of this angle, Marvel Comics is going to rewrite Civil War so Captain America dies in the first issue. If you got that, you are every bit as nerdy as I. I was at first very underwhelmed with the face off and then it escalated. I have not seen fire from HHH like that in years.
So what did I think? Raw was a one-segment show. I thought way too much time was wasted on Bret Hart and Jerry Lawler. R-Truth needs to have someone who's written dialogue for an African-American AFTER 1930 write for him. This could be better but it could also be a lot worse.
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Monday, September 5, 2011

Raw Is Not Working 9-5-11

So tonight, we look forward to a night full of intrigue and action. I'm not sure where I'm planning on getting it because it's probably not on Raw. Zing! But seriously, we are on the verge of reuniting with 2003 again. Every angle seems rushed. Any time anybody gets any momentum, they are put in a tag team with another guy gaining momentum. Triple H starts off every show. We're a Katie Vick away from revisiting the darkest era in WWE's history.
It looks like we are continuing the "Super Raw" gimmick. I'm good with this. We have a lot of good things going for us: CM Punk, Miz, Air Boom. We just need to go a different direction than they have in the last 10 years.
We begin with Punk, which is an improvement over weeks' past. Punk is different. Kevin Nash is not different. Punk calls out Nash. Nash walks to the ring wearing a t-shirt from the Simon Cowell Collection. Then HHH's music hit and drew Punk saying "I'm not done" which drew a laugh from my wife. (That she was even awake was a small miracle.) Kevin Nash made the WWE cool again. It was Nash who sent the text to HHH's phone. As they were doing this really intense promo between Nash and Trips that the audience cared nothing about, Punk was at the side, mugging for the camera and playing Mystery Science Theater 3000 to their speech. HHH fired Nash. If you believe he's really fired, I have some nice oceanfront property in Vegas for you.
Clive Owen is now doing a film where he has a porn-stache.
After the break, Kevin Nash gets into a limo with Super Dave Osborne. Air Boom comes out. My wife is happy. We see Jinder Mahal and then ask for the brand split to come back. We get Air Boom versus Mahal and (Kevin Nash's former co-star in "The Longest Yard") The Great Khali. The crowd seems to be really into Kofi & Evan. Of course Air Boom won.
Alberto del Rio's car arrived and Ricardo Rodriguez gets out and opens the door for him. Alberto del Rio drives? We get Eve Torres versus Beth Phoenix. Beth and Nattie have thighs that have zip codes (and they're all muscle). Their match wasn't very fluid. If they wanted real women that were contrary to the cookie cutter, they would go get women wrestlers like Sara del Rey, Portia Perez, Christina von Eerie, Daizee Haze or Athena.
Legolas from LOTR is backstage talking to Christian when Alberto del Rio interrupts them. We saw a promo for HHH's movie and then Nick Swardson's movie which should underperform Sarah Palin Undefeated.
R-Truth finally has music again? Miz has a suit that is based on one of Mick Foley's flannel shirts. These two work so well together. Miz comes off unscripted. R-Truth does not. They are facing Air Boom at the next PPV. Punk and Truth had a really good match that was wasted on some pretty awful commentary. Like Schiavone/Mark Madden bad. Punk won. HHH came out and made this match no-dq. And then Punk made it that HHH steps down. Do they pop stupid pills in the back? Let's just hook Sam and Diane up in the first episode of Cheers. How about Ross and Rachel getting together on the first episode of Friends? And maybe Tony Soprano gets killed in the first episode of Sopranos.
We get Lawler and Zack Ryder versus Hijo de Perfección and Mr. Hudson. Zack Ryder got tv time and a video package? Ryder got the pin.
Then we got Orton vs. Heath Slater. The crowd is into Randy Orton. This was actually really good for a squash. I miss these. Raw needs more of these.
Now John Cena is in the ring with Alberto del Rio. All the "rudos" come out to attack Cena. Rudos=heels in Spanish. 8-man tag match main event? Yes, please!
This would have been great if it weren't for the elimination part. Swagger eliminated two men almost single-handedly. Of course Super Cena was the only one left. 
There was no middle ground in tonight's Raw. It was either the greatest ever or the worst mind-numbingly awful excrement ever. Though I hate where they're taking Punk, he is making it entertaining. I like Air Boom and Awesome Truth. Kevin Nash has got to go (unless he unzips himself and Colt Cabana steps out). It just seemed like the WWE writers took a night off for Labor Day.
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