Monday, October 31, 2011

Raw Is Halloween 10-31-11

I may have no idea what is going on tonight during Raw. I had a hard time sleeping on Friday night and had one last hurrah for my about-to-be brother-in-law as we celebrated his bachelor party. We started out at a Dallas Stars game and then ended up somewhere at a Dick's Last Resort in downtown Dallas. There was a fan at the Dallas Stars game dressed as John Cena. He was booed every time he walked past a group of adults.
I am running on a lot of sleep deprivation. And random brats are going to be knocking on my door asking for free candy. If Raw gets really bad tonight, I may find myself plugging in Night of the Living Dead and blogging on that instead.
The Rock was there in a pre-recorded statement. Yawn... I hate to say this, but it was a pretty good pre-recorded promo. I'm sure the crowd must have been happy to pay to watch a pre-recorded statement.
Our first match was Punk and Henry. Johnny Ace came out and reminded us of who he was I guess... to see if fans would tune out earlier. Alberto del Rio sent in the Mexican Paul Bearer (Ricardo Rodriguez) to interfere and keep Punk from winning. My wife compared to Alberto del Rio to a Mexican Superman. I think she was on to something. Punk sent Rodriguez back into the ring and he got attacked by Henry. Are we building up Del Rio-Henry?
We get the Muppets on Monday Night Raw. I just wrote that. Then we get the Human Muppet Vickie Guerrero. I gotta admit I loved Vickie and Miss Piggy. Santino came out to their rescue. The highlight was Kermit calling Vickie his mother. The other highlight was Santino was calling him John Laryngitis. Then Kelly Kelly came out and made out with Kermit. It even made my wife laugh.
There was a Divas costume battle royal. Alicia Fox won the costume contest for me. Eve won the match.
Then we had a skit with Bunsen and Beaker where Christian bullied him. (Remember, Christian. Nobody likes a bully.) Then my Halloween costume Sheamus came to his rescue. They are related. Cute.
We had AirBoom take on Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett which made no sense. Cody Rhodes got a nice crowd reaction. They won for absolutely no reason. Then Christian comes in which calls on the mobilization of Team Pasty White.
Then Statler and Waldorf did the "What?" stuff. Cute. I'll just skip over the Johnny Ace segment. It looked like Weekend at Bernie's with Punk trying to carry the deadweight.
We got Big Show versus Alberto del Rio. The crowd had no reaction whatsoever, but it was a nice dramatic match. It made sense for Show-ADR. The crowd was dead and couldn't care less. Big Show won like he hadn't pinned the champ. I've been trying to look at this positively, but this has been a pretty awful first hour.
Punk comes out and sits in the ring and puts him in the Anaconda Vice until he agreed to a match at Survivor Series. Then we had Fozzie and Gonzo. Swagger and Ziggler twisted Gonzo. Swagger really has no presence.
Then it was time for the Swagger-Santino match. The work was fine. I'm tiring of Swagger. Beaker gave Santino a blue liquid he spit on Swagger. He pinned him.
Zack Ryder had Dolph Ziggler. I think the match was well-booked. I was just so turned off by this whole night. Ryder won.
We had no HHH tonight which was an improvement to me. I fast forwarded Michael Cole just because I refuse to watch a human being get treated that way.
Miz and Cena were the main event. It was a pretty decent match. Cena won.
Well, Raw was pretty awful tonight. I enjoyed a lot of the Muppet segments. While we had no HHH, it was riddled with nothing but the same tired cliches. I can name 3 people almost immediately who need off the tv NOW. Not a lot of hope after this week's episode.
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Monday, October 24, 2011

Raw Is After Vengeance 10-24-11

Vengeance is in the books. Off the top of my head, it was a really good pay-per-view. If I had spent my money (I saw it in a bar where I do a pre-game show, so I was not charged for it.), I would have been pleased with the purchase. The worst part of the night was our service, but that is not typical, so you take it as it comes. Vengeance had some really good matches. Cena-ADR was a total (good) brawl. Henry-Show was a pretty good match (Even though the ring collapsing will never touch Taz-Bam Bam Bigelow in ECW). Sheamus-Christian, Orton-Rhodes, were pretty good matches for the hype behind them. Even Eve-Beth wasn't painful.
So coming next is Survivor Series. Now begins the build-up. They begin to recap the PPV. The ring collapsing was of course the first thing mentioned. And the second was Kevin Nash. Eve Torres had more people talking than Kevin Nash. HHH comes out to the ring likes it's still 2004 and gets to be the center of attention. Why not? The ring collapsed back then, too. HHH does the same promo he's done since '04. He calls out Kevin Nash and is interrupted by the only guy I want to see less, Super Dave Osborne. HHH follows Super Dave up to the ramp and is attacked by Kevin Nash holding a sledgehammer. They did a nice job of selling the sledgehammer. If you get hit with one, your only television appearances for the next two weeks should be in a hospital bed.
No matter how bad Raw is, it can be as bad as the Adam Sandler in drag movie.
Cole and Lawler sold the sledgehammer hit very well. They are trying to make these mean something again.
Our first match is Orton & Sheamus vs. Christian & Rhodes. Sheamus is really catapulting upwards. I think he might replace Kofi as my favorite wrestler in the WWE. These four know each other well in the ring and worked very well together. Sheamus got the pin and looks like he gets Mark Henry next. Good bout for the first match.
Backstage, Super Dave is talking to Stephanie. This is how bad it is. I would rather see Stephanie on tv than Johnny Ace. John Cena sees Otunga and makes a Carlton Fresh Prince joke. If it didn't sound scripted, I would forgive him for at least one poop joke.
Santino got squashed by Dolph Ziggler. After Jack Swagger put him in the Ankle Lock Submission, the Walking Wellness Violation Mason Ryan comes out to his rescue. In case you were curious about what roid rage looks like, go back and watch this segment.
After the commercial break, we have the younger Gomez Addams in the ring introducing Alberto Del Rio. Alberto Del Rio will be champ for a long time. Then CM Punk's music hits. Then Super Dave interfered. Punk went over his mic skills. Then he mocked Ace's "majestic voice" and asked him if he needed a new skateboard. Punk wants a title shot. All he had to do is say is he respected Ace.
"I respect you, Funk-man."
-CM Punk in a deep Brian Pillman-like voice making reference to this
Punk said that he respected Ace for doing more with less. Ace doesn't want Punk as champion. 1997 called. They wanted their angle back.
We got Nattie-Alicia Fox. Alicia actually beat Nattie. That was unpredictable.
The John Morrison Future Endeavored Tour continued against Wade Barrett. John Morrison will have a nice career in AAA. It was just kind of a formality. I have no emotional investment in any more of Morrison's matches. I'm just biding time until the next match. At least the Divas match had a surprise.
Does Vince believe Jim Ross deserves ANY dignity? Michael Cole will quit if he loses the announcer's challenge. Well, I guess we know who'll win it.
Miz & Truth attacked Zack Ryder and then cut a really good promo. After the commercial, we find out it'll be a handicap match. I still have Walking Dead on DVR that needs to be watched. Hell, I'd rather watch Dirty Soap with my wife than this main event. I paid no attention to this match because the WWE Creative Team didn't either.
You want good wrestling? Go here if you're in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. Go here to get a good cross-section of indy wrestling no matter where you are. And no matter who you are or where you are, go here. Cause you're not getting it here with the WWE.
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Monday, October 17, 2011

Raw Es Mexicano 10-17-11

Ésta noche, estamos en México D.F. para Raw. Pues, voy a blogear totalmente en español para celebrar.
According to my professors, I couldn't write good in Spanish so I better quit while I'm ahead. (And yes, my grammatical error is there completely for irony.) All I said was tonight, we are in Mexico City for Raw. So, I'm going to blog totally in Spanish to celebrate. (Or something equivalent to that)
Last week, we suffered through one of the worst Raws since Katie Vick. If I were personally not committed to do the Raw blog, I would have switched to Fox and watched House or something. I still have faith that somehow they will turn this around.
We start off the night with Super Dave Osborne in the ring. He is so awful on the mic. The wrong Dynamic Dude is speaking. (Shane Douglas, where are you?) He brings back Jim Ross. I haven't seen a more emotionless hug since Hollywood Hogan hugged "in-the-rafters" Sting. He makes a match. Cole/Del Rio vs. Ross/Cena. At least we know who'll win.
Randy Orton comes out. The crowd acted like it was Juanes. In accordance with the art of Lucha Libre, we get a 6-man tag. Orton/John Morrison/Sheamus versus Christian/Cody Rhodes/Mark Henry. The crowd hung off of every move Randy Orton made. Orton & Rhodes were not long for this match as they got to go to the back and fight. It was a nice match. I really feel that Henry is coming into his own as a top guy. The John Morrison Future Endeavors tour continued as he was probably killed by Mark Henry.
No matter what happens here, it could be worse. I could be seeing that awful movie In Time.
We got some more time with Broadus Clay. He isn't a bad speaker. After the Bellas hung on Johnny Ace, they can only go up. Eve is making her way to the ring. I will take this opportunity to pee. It took longer than I intended. I have no idea what happened.
After the commercial, we got CM Punk and then Awesome Truth came out. They cut a promo on Punk and he just stood there and smiled. This was a decent match. My satellite went out so I have no idea what happened. Punk got a roll-up and won.
We had Jack Swagger escorted by Dolph and Vickie. She looked really nice in her traditional Mexican dress. And yes, she said "Excuse me" in Spanish. They really got the crowd going. They were very good with them. Then we were saved by my daughter's favorite wrestler, Zack Ryder. My daughter doesn't know any wrestlers. She just says, "Woo woo woo." Zack Ryder get a pin in record time. After they start a beatdown on Ryder, he is saved by Matista.
Ziggler did a good job carrying the Walking Wellness Violation. Matista got disqualified for... I have no idea.
Then JR and John Cena had a little back and forth and then Cole heeled the crowd.
The main event turned out to be an ok match. For it to be a good match, I have to believe Cena can lose.
This was not as bad as last week's Raw. We are still stuck with Super Dave Osborne, but the crowd was hot and made the wrestlers seem important. There is plenty that can be improved, but for tonight, I'll rest on not hating it.
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Monday, October 10, 2011

Raw Is Vacant 10-10-2011

Well, words escaped the end of last week's Raw. That was one of the most surreal Raws I ever saw. Now it's time to see how the WWE follows it up. The announcer's seats are empty. We get a nice perspective of the back area. And we get to start with Triple H. Surprise. And after HHH's entrance, there's only 15 minutes left of Raw, so no worries there. The superstars are outside and waiting for HHH to step down. Then he panders worse than Hogan's cup to the ear thing. And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, the Confederate Warrior himself John Cena comes to the ring. We get serious John Cena. He didn't sound so scripted. And then comes out my Pasty White Hero, Sheamus. He's still with HHH. Then Punk comes out. He's still with HHH. He makes a match. Cena vs. Sheamus with Punk on commentary and HHH as ref.
Commercial break. I have been without caffeine for 2 days. Any more Red Robin commercials, I will need to be held down.
After the commercial Vince McMahon comes out. Everyone's heart sunk. Vince likes watching Raw at home. Board of Directors met about this situation. HHH is no longer running Raw. The new person running Raw is Super Dave Osborne. If I was not doing this review, I would be watching 2 Broke Girls on DVR.
Brian Wilson is on my tv. All of a sudden, Super Dave Osborne isn't so bad.
Now all the wrestlers are coming back in. John Morrison tells Johnny Ace he sucks. Then he continues his burial tour against Christian. My wife notices Morrison has shaved his face. She acted like I did when Nelson Cruz hit his grand slam. Morrison was squashed. Then Ziggler, Swagger & Rhodes take out Morrison.
Then HHH threatens Super Dave.
Then Randy Orton and Mark Henry had a match. Cody Rhodes interferes. DQ. Mark Henry beats him up a few times. Randy Orton is ridiculously stale.
We had Kelly Kelly & Eve vs. Rosa & Tamina. We've still got psycho angry Kelly. Eve pins Tamina. Poor Tamina. Super Dave asks JR to come into the ring. Really? At this point in his career, what are you going to do to JR they haven't already done? Super Dave is so awful on the mic. He just sounds like he's reciting a script. He fired JR.
We get Matista & AirBoom vs. Swagger, Ziggler & Otunga. This is the best match of the night so far by default. The highlight was the powerbomb Jack Swagger did on Evan Bourne. I have nothing against Matista/Mason Ryan. He just looks like he couldn't pass a piss test.
John Cena's movie looks awful. And I like Ethan Embry.
Punk and Del Rio were fighting until Super Dave stopped it and reinstated Awesome Truth. I stopped caring during this match. I was impressed by what I saw from ADR. The work in this match was really good. I just felt like I was watching House-no show is ever new; I just watch out of habit. Miz/Truth were disqualified and then HHH came to Punk's rescue.
This is without a doubt the worst Raw I have seen in a long time. This is just as bad as Katie Vick era or the night the nWo started demolishing the Nitro set. The first 15 minutes were brilliant and then it was just like a fart in church from there. They most likely killed drawing in Oklahoma and I would be surprised to see their ratings higher than 2.5. Not saying all hope is lost. But something needs to change.
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Monday, October 3, 2011

Raw Is Chaos 10-3-11

I would like to begin this by wishing Mother Ruff a very happy [age deleted]th birthday. The Rangers are giving us heart attacks. The Cowboys embarrass themselves against the Lions. And as happy as that makes me, the Eagles can't win either. I missed last night's Hell in a Cell. Due to a HUGE weekend, it was just too much to go out on a Sunday night. From what I hear, there was a  lot of chaos and a lot of questions to have to answer.
It seems like tonight's Raw has some major buzz. Randy Orton comes out first and kills my buzz. Drew McIntyre is already in the ring and gets no entrance theme. Thanks for spoiling the end of the first match, WWE. This was a little more than a squash. McIntyre got his share of offense in. The crowd seemed to be really into Randy Orton. But does he make you tune into the show? I can think of 1.98 reasons why he doesn't. Orton pinned him in what was a decent opener. Kudos to McIntyre for making him look good. Then he attacks McIntyre after the match. Why is he a face?
Mark Henry came out and they fought each other. Security kept on trying to hold them back and they kept on attacking each other. A great visual.
We had a Mark Henry video package. Then John Morrison continued his "About to Be Future Endeavored" tour against Mark Henry. Morrison got some offense before Mark Henry kicked out of Morrison's finisher. Mark Henry grabbed the mic. He is done with Randy Orton. He wants Big Show.
Super Dave Osborne is giving the heels a pep talk. All 6 are going to the ring. (At this point, my wife fell asleep, for those of you curious.)
Alberto del Rio speaks. As much as I loathe that it's Otunga getting the ball, I like that they are finding a common theme among everything that is happening. Each rep got to cut their promo about how they are being wronged. And then Vickie grabbed the mic. You would have thought she was Michelle Bachman at an Atheist's convention. And then HHH came out and told them they weren't men or something. I like the thought and concept; the execution is not doing it for me.
We got Eve & Kelly fighting Beth & Nattie. Kelly & Eve gave Beth & Nattie a beatdown. I don't think this was a match. I saw some fire from Kelly. I liked it.
Super Dave Osborne apologized to HHH. He called for a vote of "no confidence."
Rock is on my tv. My wife woke up. Jinder Mahal started speaking a foreign language. That must mean we're supposed to boo him. Marella grabbed the mic and started mocking Mahal's language. Classy. Santino squashed Mahal. Mahal must be opening for Morrison on his "About to Be Future Endeavored" tour.
Broadus Clay footage. He's like a walking zip code.
The footage of the beatdown was unreal. All the wrestlers were out there, heels and faces alike. There are so many questions to be answered here. Miz and Truth apologized (ish).
Then there was the 12-man match. We had "Never Pissed in a Cup" Mason Ryan. Sheamus got in some good offense. Cody Rhodes had some good moments and looked good. This was pretty good for a cluster. Kofi did the face in peril very well. The crowd loved it. Even my wife who happened to wake up again noticed Evan Bourne come in and go to town. This crowd was so wild all night. They did the spot where everybody did their finishers. Then Sheamus got the pin. I thought the match would be a lot worse than it was. It was given the time it needed.
All the wrestlers came out and stood ringside. So everybody stands ringside while HHH gets the center of attention. This is so ridiculous. He needs to take himself off tv. And out of all the superstars, the one who gets the mic... Wade Barrett? Then Mike Chioda gets a mic? Me like. Then Beth gets a mic. "We're girls." Really? Then Lawler gets in the ring with HHH. Everything is out of control, but it's not HHH's fault. There's a puppeteer behind the scenes. Who is it? Everybody votes no confidence, including Lawler, who did it kind of reluctantly. Then, one by one, factions walked out, the last being JR. What a surreal Raw.
This has to be the most surreal Raw I have seen since ECW and WCW joined forces and the best Raw since CM Punk cut "The Promo." So many questions abound.
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